Big Day Looming Ahead

WELLQUEST GRAND FINALE EVENT!

Date: Thursday, May 20, 2010
Time: 5:30 – 7:30 pm
Location: Club Rayn
1660 North Monroe Street
Tallahassee, FL 32303-5590

Party Vibe: “Healthy Happy Hour” – business casual attire

• local restaurants will be on hand to provide “chef’s sampler” of healthy appetizers
• attendees pay $10 admission at the door
• highlights will be the recognition of WellQuest teams/sponsors and winner of Take it Off Tallahassee ($1000 prize) and the winner of WellQuest and MyWellQuest!
  
• a cash bar will be available, and other beverages will be complimentary
• co-workers, friends, and family (kids, too) are welcome!

RSVP at the Working Well page on FaceBook.

Time Travel

A weight-loss challenge? Sure, I'll sign up...I need to lose some weight, this should be fun.

So much fun making the video...they've got to pick us!

We were selected! Three months/90 days? Yeah, I can commit to that.

We got paired with Boot Camps to Go...I'm scared! But, it's going to be tough in a good way, right?

Love our trainer, but this Boot Camp thing is crazy! My body is too old/out of shape for this.

I'm not sure I can survive on this new diet.

Why am I running/stumbling/panting down Capital Circle in the rain?

One actual serving of pasta is really small.

I'm kicking ass keeping within my calorie count.

Whoa! Laurel informed me that my diet is full of fat/preservatives/chemicals, and lacks in protein/nutrients.

Buying fruits and vegetables.

Thanks for the meal suggestions, Jo, but I don't cook.

I'm not sure I can do burpees without throwing up.

Bitterly consuming more veggies and fruits than I care for.

Why can't I jump up on a mat with two feet? Stop laughing at my lack of coordination.

I miss cheese.

No, Katy, I'm not going to run a 5K with you.

Food pisses me off.

It's only 45 minutes...I can do this.

OK, the extra veggies and fruit aren't so bad.

Wow, I can do real push-ups...as in more than one.

Always thought nuts were good...dammit, savoring my quarter-cup allowance.

No matter what, I'm finishing this circuit.

I really want a cheeseburger & fries.

I can see my biceps, sans (well, smaller) Bingo Wings.

Spoke too soon... feeble attempts at the kettlebell chest-press.

Trying on jeans..."can you get these in a smaller size?" YEAH!

Discovered that a no-carb stretch has the same effects as PMS.

Didn't finish the circuit and I cried. (How embarrassing.)

Final Weigh-In: lost over my 10 lb. goal, and decreased my body fat, cholesterol levels, etc. We won't know the Team winners until May 20, but at least I've been rewarded with a healthier and stronger body. Thank you GTO KO's and BCTG for pushing/encouraging me to stick with the diet and workouts. This time-warp has resulted in benefits for all of us. Way to go GTO-KO's!

We Weigh in Tomorrow!!!!

Tomorrow is the end. A chant keeps running through my head....we weigh in tomorrow, we weigh in tomorrow, we weigh in tomorrow. Though of course, it must compete with another mantra that's playing on repeat... carbs, carbs, pasta, carbs, potatoes, carbs, pasta, carbs. You get the idea.

This won't be a long blog full of reflection and words of wisdom. Nope, we'll all do that after we actually weigh in and can finally quantify our 3 months of hard work. I just wanted to recognize the fact that we have arrived! 3 months of diet and insane exercising are coming to an end! It's a bittersweet feeling though. I look at pictures of myself and think, who's that girl with those muscular legs?? And those toned biceps! I only hope that I can keep up the exercise regime so that in 3 months, 6 months, 2 years even I'll be able to say those same things. We've been prepared for the rest of our lives with what we've learned at BootcampsToGo, so I darn well better!

Good luck to all teams, and see you at the finish line! *sigh* I did just use a running metaphor. Curse you running addiction (now picture me shaking my fist in the air)!

WE DID IT!

Driven to Tears

It's become apparent that our little no-carb stint is wreaking havoc on my emotional state. I was warned that I would be grouchy, although the alternative for the word "witch" is a more apt description of my attitude.

I've also noticed that my brain is a bit foggy. This may not be detectable to the human eye, as I am quite ditzy and scattered; my family already hears, "Where are my sunglasses/where is my phone/where are my keys?" on a daily basis. Now, I find myself exclaiming, "Oh sh*t, it's Wednesday," in the middle of what-I-thought-was-Tuesday, and suddenly have to gather all the balls I've dropped. In fact, I'm having trouble writing this blog. (Will someone do something about that annoying dog barking outside? Oops, that's MY dog!)

And this evening, my emotions took a turn for the worse. Walking Kettlebell Suicides...on an incline. For starters, I just couldn't get the technique down. Although Mike tried patiently to help me correct the movement, I kept screwing it up. Katy was waiting at the top of the slope, cheering me on to the finish line when Mike called Time. I mouthed to her, "I didn't finish," and made an exaggerated frown-face.

Whoa! The bottom-lip-extension was a bad idea; it immediately triggered the tear ducts. Yep, I actually started crying during my workout. I know, I know... pathetic. Which is exactly how I felt. Thankfully, my face was dripping with perspiration, so I could pull off the "wiping sweat from my brow" maneuver.

While I can attribute some of this to the low-carb imbalance, I was truly frustrated that I let myself down. You see, about half-way into the WellQuest Challenge/Boot Camps To Go training, I realized that I could complete each circuit as long as I pushed myself to do so. No, it's never become easier...it's just that I had passed the "can't do it" mark. So, here we are--just one week away from the WellQuest weigh in--and I failed to complete a BCTG circuit. Again... pathetic.

But, I knew that if I gave into my emotions, my fellow Boot Campers would be bewildered and Mike might think I had injured myself and halt the workout to check on my condition. So I focused on an image of what's written on the BCTG gym floor: SUCK IT UP!

Tears dried (sweat didn't), Jo, Katy, and I were URBAN ASSAULT-ed, and I did get a hellacious workout...

but I'm still pissed that I didn't finish.

GTO KO's we are worth something ALWAYS!

We all sometimes think less of ourselves and this is a perfect example of one of those times:

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20.00 bill?" Hands started going up. He said "I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the $20 bill up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands went up in the air.

"Well, what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it in with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" And again the hands went up in the air.

"My friends we have all learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money you still wanted it because it didn't decrease in value. It is still worth $20."

He added, "Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel we are worthless. No matter what has happened or what will happen, YOU WILL NEVER LOSE YOUR VALUE! Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who do love you! THE WORTH IN OUR LIVES COMES NOT IN WHAT WE DO OR WHO WE KNOW, BUT BY WHO WE ARE!!!"

You are special don't ever forget it!

My Kettlebell "Nightmare"

So, I had this dream last night. I was trapped in a gym. There were HUNDREDS of kettlebells hanging from the ceiling, threatening to drop at any moment. All around the floor were more kettlebells, of all shapes and sizes. There was a blonde man grinning evilly as he chased me and several other women around the torture chamber, errrr- gym. We were forced to throw kettlebells at each other, lay in the path of a giant rolling kettlebell, and several other unspeakable things. Yet, just when all seemed hopeless, all of the captives came together and overpowered our captor (he turned out to be a fairly dull crayon in the box).

While this dream scared me fairly bad, and I'm more than a little terrified to look at a kettlebell tonight, I realized today it was actually a metaphor for this whole journey. While Laurel and Mike are not actually evil, Bootcamp and the kettlebell seemed, in the beginning, to be an insurmountable obstacle. And yet, as we near the end of this competition, I realize we have overcome our "captor;" the "I cant's," the "too hards," and of course, the kettlebell!

**I, Katharine Zamesnik, do certify this dream to be a true and honest dream, and agree to be held responsible for any misrepresentation thereof. (Honestly, who could make this up?)**

Cut out the stress and realize we can't play by old rules!

These blogs can be hard at times especially when we are pouring out our deepest inner thoughts and secrets. Not to mention having to be honest with not only yourself but millions of viewers! Each day Heather sends out an inspiring email called "Daily Dose" (healthy living) and what it boils down to is you can't play by old rules! When looking at this contest we think try harder, instead of trying differently!

We realize that our workout and diets are changing and in an attempt to cope, we react as if more is the answer. Don't get me wrong, I know we all put our best foot forward and push ourselves to almost insanity, not to mention the enduring pain when it's hard to even walk! While our workouts and diets are taking on totally new dimensions...making new demands...calling for new habits...we are still trying to add more! Struggling to compete and win really wears on the nerves! After awhile the stress and strain cause engine damage to the mental state of mind!

Now even though adapting is tough...we have to remember how difficult it was a little over 2 months ago when we couldn't even imagine being where we are today. Rather than barreling ahead with the same old behaviors that worked well enough in the past, we must learn new routines. We must make the necessary shift in our mindset so that our thinking is aligned with our new realities.

The reality is this: I have lost 9 lbs during this competition so far. In my mind my goal was 50 lbs when I started...therefore the stress is reminding me that I have not accomplished my goal! This can be overwhelming and I need to remind myself that I am not playing by the old rules and I have changed my old habits! Cutting out the stress? We will always have some in life as long as we know how to take it and turn it into a positive it's all good! I will continue to do things differently and I have faith that the end results will be very good for all of us! GO GTO KO's!

The Art of Sweat

As a graphic designer, I thrive on creativity and appreciate it in all aspects of life. I find myself in constant awe of Creative Genius that I discover in books, movies, art, music, advertising, clothing, architecture, etc.

Today, it occurred to me that I have encountered another form of creativity, and have been experiencing it for the last two months. No, not in my kitchen (my diet has become quite dull due to the lack of spectacular cheeses), but in my training.

I realized that I've attended 30+ workouts at BCTG and have never repeated the same workout routine. Nope, not once. True, they recycle basic exercises (wish they would retire the "burpee"), but they are combined with new exercises, or have different reps/timing cycles, or are simply made more challenging. (Don't even ask how many variations on a "plank" they can come up with.) When you consider that their equipment is minimal (ropes, kettlebells, rings, bars, sleds, tires, etc.) compared to other gyms that have a hundred different machines, one has to appreciate the thought and planning that goes into a BCTG workout routine.

Every workout requires us to use our bodies in new and different ways; we don't have the option to adjust weight, pressure, or resistance on a machine. Our only "adjustment" is how far we can push ourselves.

Maybe this is why BCTG has become so appealing to me. I never know what to expect (besides getting my butt kicked); each workout is unique. (And just what muscles are sore the day-after can be a bit of a surprise, as well.)

I once again find myself awed by Creative Thinking...in such an unexpected place.

Creature FEETure

Thanks to Shaw's Athletics for enduring this evening's GTO KO invasion!

As part of the WellQuest Challenge, each team has to go on a health/fitness related outing along with a videographer. The KO's were selected to be fitted for the perfect pair of running shoes at Shaw's.

Upon arriving, we were asked to slip off our shoes, to which Katy quipped, "Without even having a glass of wine?"

After inquiries regarding foot, knee, and back pain, we had our Walk & Turn analyzed (in sock-feet). Although we rocked it like runway models, the feedback was peppered with terms like "pronation" and "supination." On the spot, we started a "No Pronation" Support Group and tossed out slogans and bumper sticker ideas for our salesman. He, being tolerant and patient, retreated to the stockroom to select our perfect shoes.

He returned with nine boxes (three different pairs for each of us to try). However, his suggestion of larger sizes was met with vocal dismay. Listen up, Shoe Marketers: women's sizes should be Super Petite, Petite, Extra Small, and Small. We don't like larger numbers, period.

Then he had us walk and run in each pair for further analysis, at which point I learned I am a "Ball-of-Footer." A technique which was certainly developed during my years of running from busted under-age keg parties. (PS. Katy tried to convince me once again to join her in running a 5K, but I'm having none of her Kool-Aid. Keep your cult to yourself.)

I have no doubt this experience scared our videographer, Jay, from shopping with women for life! "This one looks like a bullet." "Do you have these in another color?" "I can't tell which one feels better, I've only tried on shoes for cuteness." "Where are the support stilettos?" (Note to WellQuest: Jay is awesome, completely professional and fun to work with.)

Super-shopper Katy had to be talked down from some impulse buys, Jo had to pull her tongue, and I left with a new phobia...Black Toe. However, we all purchased a new pair of shoes, so it was a win-win for all.

KO Chain Gang

We're at the toughest part of the WellQuest Challenge: one month to prove that we can maintain our exercise and diet regimes without the guidance and support of a trainer.

As we begin our last month of the competition, we must remember that while there is no I in "team," there is an I in "win."

We cannot rest on our laurels (or even Laurel, for that matter). We have four more weeks to improve our individual fitness, and therefore the total fitness of the team. As a team, we're only as strong as our weakest link. So, let's keep the chain strong enough to pull us to victory!

As they say at BCTG...Suck it up!

Birth of a Climbing Monkey (I mean Junkie)

Harness, Check

Shoes, Check

Rope, Check

Trusted Belayer, Check…I think?

I found myself climbing up a wall with nothing but a rope and a trusted friend, keeping me from hitting the ground. As I reached the halfway point between the ground and the top, I started to shake. Physically shake...the kind where you feel weak and sweaty. For a split second I doubted my abilities and realized that I was climbing a VERTICAL wall. I’m not sure if it was adrenaline or simply anxiety but it felt like an overwhelming, out of control panic and then, just as fast as it had started, the panic was gone. Somehow I instinctively knew I could finish. Using the upper and lower body strength I’ve developed at BCTG, I was able to reach the top of the rock wall. I guess all those dang pushups, pull ups, tire flips, lunges and jump squats are paying off!

Once I reached the top, I still needed to get down. I looked down at my friend Amelia and thought, "I’m suppose to just let go?" I took a deep breath, asked Amelia if she was ready, yelled, "take" and leaned back with as much trust as one person can have in another as she gently and slowly eased me down the wall. It was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. Not only was I able to accomplish something I thought I couldn’t do but I was also able to physically see how much stronger I am. I know with 100% certainty that I would not have been able to do this 6 weeks ago.

We climbed for about an hour and I could probably have kept going for another one. My body was tired and I could tell my arm muscles were fatigued, but it was so much fun that I wanted to continue. After one afternoon, I am a rock climbing junkie. I have looked into pricing packages, climbing clubs and I’m planning on going back this weekend. It’s a great workout for both my arms and legs and even my oblique muscles are sore.

I called Elise the minute I left the gym to share my excitement. When I told her what I had just done she said, "you did what?!" Though, Elise is afraid of heights I made her promise she would come with me to the Rock Gym. If she won’t climb, at least I can amaze her with my novice climbing abilities. I will never be an addict to running like Katy, but I will accompany her on the track some days and force her to come to the Rock Gym with me in exchange. Lately I have found myself enjoying the BCTG workouts and trying new and physically challenging activities. Maybe I’ll even sign up for the Mud Run with Katy next year.

What a surprise to find that I of all people would become a Rock Climbing Junkie?

Competition Jitters

The WellQuest Finish Line is looming, and I'm getting anxious.

I don't consider myself competitive, I tend to yield to others (unless it's a merge lane..."you knew you had to turn right, don't try to race up and cut in front of me!"). But, I feel like we have to win. We had the best entry video; put on a show at the Weigh-In (sporting I "heart" beer/pizza shirts until we revealed our GTO KO tees on-stage); drew the award winning gym/trainer; and have the Working Well's Inspiration Award Winner on our team.

Will we live up to our hubris?

Will we be proof that Boot Camps To Go kicks a$$?

We've been busting our butts, and our individual accomplishments are noticeable. But, have we worked harder than the other teams? I have no idea how the other teams are doing; their blogs are not quite as detailed/frequent as ours. Hopefully their blog enthusiasm reflects their workout/diet regimen.

Although the true goal of the WellQuest Challenge is to get us to develop healthier lifestyles, I want to see the GTO KO's bring home the Gold!

We've only got a couple of weeks left...we can do this...we will win...right?

Hi, My Name is Katy, and I am addicted...

Ok, blog followers. I have a confession to make. I feel that I am becoming addicted. Yes, I know, addiction is bad. Hi, my name is Katy and I have an addiction, all that good stuff. Step 1 is acknowledging that you have a problem. Here it is: 3 of the past 4 weeks I have been running in 10k races. One of which was a particularly grueling Mud Run in Jacksonville. And it’s not enough. Hours after I finish a race, I feel the familiar twinge, and start scratching, scratching, scratching.

I can’t get enough! I am researching races, constantly looking for my next fix. Can I make a 15k run in North Carolina? Surely I can drive 14 hours just to run, right? It’s all normal behavior….right? I am certain that I even kick my legs in my sleep (yes, just like a dog). A 5k? Child’s play. I’ll have to run it twice just to keep the withdrawals at bay (FYI- running withdrawals may include nightsweats, unexplained shaking of the limbs, the intense desire to run circles in one’s apartment, that sort of thing).

Here I am, furtively buying new, expensive running shoes, trying to get more and more out of each experience. I just can’t help it anymore. And I cannot be stopped! Lord knows what I will do next weekend; there is no race, no fix for this running junkie. I may just run off into the sunset.

So, dear blog followers, if you see a brunette running off into the sunset in a pair of bright fuchsia Vibram 5 Finger shoes, please have a moment in silence, knowing I have succumbed to my addiction.

Criminal Behavior

Sooo, I left last night's inspirational "time to tighten up" meeting ready to step up and take the remainder of this Challenge to the next level.

This morning, I slipped and fell face-first into a plate of illegal quiche. It was the most incredible meal I've had since beginning this diet...and it certainly is not included on the food list Laurel provided at the meeting.

Forgive me GTO KO's, for I have committed a crime. While Katy was running the 10K at Springtime, I was savoring every bite of a spinach-artichoke-mushroom-goat cheese-and-other-unholy-ingredients Slice of Heaven.

I met my mother at Craig's Killer Coffee for breakfast. While I knew this could be a potential set-back—and planned to eat my Grape-Nuts with low fat milk before meeting her—I hit the snooze bar too many times and left the house with an empty stomach. (Entered into Evidence as "Excuse #1).

Mom is visiting from out of town (Excuse #2). There was no fruit option (Excuse #3). It was a healthier choice than the Triple-Chocolate-Muffin (Excuse #4). I drank black coffee instead of the myriad of decadent Killer Coffee choices (Excuse #5).

While the jury acknowledges those excuses hold weight...it's literal, as in calories and fat.

The inner Judge denied my plea. I've become too educated about diet and exercise during this Challenge to justify a meal that possibly exceeded my caloric/fat intake for the entire day. However, I did notice a difference in how I handle personal failure, which has always followed a mantra of "you've already screwed up today, might as well fall off the wagon and start again tomorrow." So I partially served my sentence by: taking my dog on a long walk; doing push ups, sit ups, lunges, and dumbbells; eating an apple when finally hungry again (that piece of quiche lasted me 7 hours); taking a 45 minute high-intensity walk.

Did the punishment fit the crime? Only if I scale back on my calories/fat intake and increase my exercise for the next few days to burn off that quiche. Otherwise, my Offense will only manifest itself on my hips and thighs (and scale).

A public apology to my KO's: I'm sorry I screwed up. I will resist temptation for the remainder of our Challenge. I will do my best to ensure that we are the Winning Team!

But, allow me to praise Craig's Killer Coffee for being an awesome Accessory to the Crime. Their quiche/pizza/baked goods are AMAZING, and they have the BEST coffee in town. They're located inside Video 21 on Lafayette St. (across the Parkway from Governor's Square Mall). If you succumb to criminal behavior, you'll at least be supporting a local business.

The body is a wonder!

OK! OK! I know I am supposed to be positive so allow me to correct the title and say: The body is wonderFUL! I CAN allow a little more confusion in my life right now...but why all the damn hanging skin!?!?! I need to develop a greater tolerance for these constant changes, even though it does absolutely nothing for the self esteem! What a raw surprise to look in the mirror these days! Maybe I can think of the mirror as a movable object, flexible to fit the image! But this is not a circus mirror, this is my body folks!!!!

My concerns are legitimate and it has been a struggle to make this body adapt to ME! I look forward to being flexible and fit right into its constant demands for ICY HOT, PAIN RELIEVERS, MOTRIN and CELEBREX!

If this is a test of my inner strength, then I probably need to add stress relievers to the list above! I often wonder if anyone else in the world wakes up to taking 8 pills a day, a few pills during the day and goes to sleep taking a shot! My common sense tells me we would be in big trouble if we took all the pharmacies out of the equation! Not to mention HEALTH INSURANCE! I will let that battle die for NOW!

I am here to remind myself and my team this is not a failure or lost cause and we cannot or will not set ourselves up for more stress! Right now my behavior requires enormous amounts of emotional labor! However on a positive note I am grateful and feel more educated about the science of the body!

I love having Laurel as my instructor! She allows me to take whatever time I feel I need when exercising, therefore I feel I can't disappoint her and lag behind! My doctor had said "don't let the trainers push you too much!" I assured her that Laurel is not that type of trainer and has even suggested I take time off! Hold on! Wait a minute! I think Laurel was using the oldest trick in the book...you know... Reverse Psychology! She seems to understand the roles of my crazy mental functions! Now I want to work harder than before! You are too slick Laurel and you have stabilized the situation! For that...I love you dearly!

At the end of the day I can honestly say...GIRL YOU ROCK! YOUR TEAM ROCKS! YOU GAVE IT 110%! YOUR TEAM GAVE IT 110%!

Facefull of Awesome (Not)

Nothing our trainer hasn't said before...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Djgt3w8QMk&feature=player_embedded

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

No longer a newbie, I know what Boot Camps To Go is all about: an intense, no frills, cardio and strength-training program that will push you past your pre-conceived notions of what your body can do.

I suppose it's natural—when becoming a member a certain "tribe" (gym, workplace, club, church, political party, etc.)—to find oneself more aware of entities that compete with/oppose your chosen tribe. So, I found myself slightly irked when a client mentioned his daughter was taking "boot camp" at a local dance/fitness facility. I Googled it and had to chuckle...a Pole-fitness studio offering "Booty Camp"? Uh, OK, is that where pirates send their offspring for summer break?

Then today, flipping through an Ad/Max, I came upon an ad from a local karate studio offering Boot Camp in their "indoor climate-controlled training facility." Honestly, air-conditioned boot camp? Shouldn't that be an oxymoron?

Now, I'm not discrediting these businesses. If anything, it shows that they've seen the success of Boot Camps To Go and want to latch on. However, these facilities specialize in other forms of training and are offering "Boot Camp" as an aside. It's like ordering steak at a sushi bar.

Not having the experience of other "boot camps," I can't offer an honest comparison. But, what I can tell you without a doubt is that:

1) Boot Camps To Go is the ORIGINAL (since 2005) "Boot Camp" training workout in Tallahassee.
2) They have the results to back them up: check out http://www.bootcampstogo.com/testimonies.html
3) Laurel and Mike pay attention to your individual physical restrictions and will modify workouts to meet your needs.
4) It's the one place where you can push yourself to ugly—grunting, sighing, cursing, and sweating—and not feel embarrassed....because everyone else is, too.
5) BCTG have the Awards to prove it: Best Overall Fitness Program in Tallahassee, 2008, 2009, and 2010; People's Choice for Tallahassee's Best in the "Fitness" 2007.

And I'm not putting this out there because BCTG signed on to the WellQuest Challenge. It's just that when I see these other "boot camp" ads, I feel like I got the Rolex, and they're pushing the flea-market knock-off.

Dear Diary

Sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and be 100% honest with numero uno! In order for me to survive in this contest and in life I need to accept fate and move on, right? Wrong!

I can't yield to the seductive pull of self-pity, at least for any extended period of time. Acting like a victim only threatens my future! Am I better off to appear resilient and remain productive?

I will stand proud, pick up the pieces and start putting my journey to health back on track! I am better off to stay focused on what could be lost here and the sacrifices that I need to make rather than my own feelings and pain! To survive in this body I need to accept change! I need to prosper in one of the wealthiest things my body has going on....that is my health!

Rather than banging my head against the wall of hard reality and bruising my spirit, I need to invest my energy and make some quick adjustments! My own decisions are going to determine my success and my own stress level! So from now on...no self pity! No excuses!

Diary I thank you for listening and God I'm asking YOU to make me strong in order to make your temple the best it can be! AMEN! My team mates I am asking you for your support in these hard times! In turn I will be more supportive! I love you all!

Down in the Valley

As they say, "Life is a series of Hills and Valleys." That always confused me because I didn't see the hill as a Good Thing. Winded and panting while trying to surmount it; reaching the summit only to be terrified by my fear of heights; and then toppling over the edge to collect brush and dirt with my face on the way down. Apparently, the valley is your "low point." But, it always looked better than the hill to me. Go figure. Just call me a "low-life"...or a Valley Girl—Gag me with a spoon! (dripping with Godiva chocolate, of course).

I was thrilled when my scale notified me for three days in a row that I had lost 8 lbs. Woo hoo! Almost at my 10 lb. goal! I was about to reach for those pants I wore 2 years ago...

until today, when that nasty little weight-indicating device flashed digits which proclaimed only a 5 lb. loss. I was so angry I nearly chunked an apple (my afternoon snack) at the damn thing. While I know I'm not supposed to become slave to the scale, I wondered how and why those 3 lbs. disappeared and then reappeared. Does karma or negative thoughts about Daylight Saving Time bear weight? That's gotta be it, because that (big splurge) fat-free feta I added to my salad was simply air that looked like cheese.

Patience is obviously not one of my virtues. (Do I even have virtues? Will virtues burn calories? I digress.) As my career involves marketing, I know all about "instant results" advertising and always read the fine print (Not typical results. This celebrity lost 30 lbs because she has a live-in personal trainer who makes her work out 10-times-a-day and her personal chef only feeds her dry dog food and water. Do not try this at home.) So, while I know that change is gradual —these 10 lbs made a home for themselves over 2 years— my mind actually expected a miracle after 5 weeks. Geez, I'm snacking on freaking fruits and veggies in lieu of Emerald Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Cashews and cheese-laden Triscuits. I've shunned mayo and sour cream. I spend 4 nights a week in Boot Camp training and walk/sprint 30 minutes a day.

Where are my Jennifer Aniston arms? Where are my Victoria's Secret thighs?

Yeah, I'm healthier and more toned than I was a month ago, but we're in a competition; if I'm not seeing drastic results, then how does this affect my team's chances of winning? I don't want to be the one who keeps our team and trainers from getting First Place.

Where is my Inner Cheerleader when I need her? Methinks that little (ahem) *witch* took off with the football team for a kegger. I have alerted a search party to bring her back alive, because I really need her right now. At this point, I could easily slip into agoraphobia and simply photoshop thinner versions of myself in family photos. Yeah, I could just become a skinny little avatar.

But, I gotta get up that hill. I just hope that my cheerleader was kind enough to put a roped-off landing there to keep me from falling off.

Observations on Kettlebell Training

For whom the (kettle) Bell tolls:

• Don't be deceived by their cute, round, Mickey Mouse-like appearance. It's a cannonball with a handle.
• The words: "Snap," "Jerk," and "Clean" take on entirely new meanings. And "Get Ups" do not refer to your clever outfit.
• If you can lunge with a kettlebell and talk at the same time, Laurel is going to give you a heavier one.
• Bruising will not garner sympathy.
• One can't appear "lady-like" while swinging a kettlebell.
• Just when you thought you'd never use Lamaze breathing techniques again (or ever)...