Monday, March 15, 2010

Down in the Valley

As they say, "Life is a series of Hills and Valleys." That always confused me because I didn't see the hill as a Good Thing. Winded and panting while trying to surmount it; reaching the summit only to be terrified by my fear of heights; and then toppling over the edge to collect brush and dirt with my face on the way down. Apparently, the valley is your "low point." But, it always looked better than the hill to me. Go figure. Just call me a "low-life"...or a Valley Girl—Gag me with a spoon! (dripping with Godiva chocolate, of course).

I was thrilled when my scale notified me for three days in a row that I had lost 8 lbs. Woo hoo! Almost at my 10 lb. goal! I was about to reach for those pants I wore 2 years ago...

until today, when that nasty little weight-indicating device flashed digits which proclaimed only a 5 lb. loss. I was so angry I nearly chunked an apple (my afternoon snack) at the damn thing. While I know I'm not supposed to become slave to the scale, I wondered how and why those 3 lbs. disappeared and then reappeared. Does karma or negative thoughts about Daylight Saving Time bear weight? That's gotta be it, because that (big splurge) fat-free feta I added to my salad was simply air that looked like cheese.

Patience is obviously not one of my virtues. (Do I even have virtues? Will virtues burn calories? I digress.) As my career involves marketing, I know all about "instant results" advertising and always read the fine print (Not typical results. This celebrity lost 30 lbs because she has a live-in personal trainer who makes her work out 10-times-a-day and her personal chef only feeds her dry dog food and water. Do not try this at home.) So, while I know that change is gradual —these 10 lbs made a home for themselves over 2 years— my mind actually expected a miracle after 5 weeks. Geez, I'm snacking on freaking fruits and veggies in lieu of Emerald Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Cashews and cheese-laden Triscuits. I've shunned mayo and sour cream. I spend 4 nights a week in Boot Camp training and walk/sprint 30 minutes a day.

Where are my Jennifer Aniston arms? Where are my Victoria's Secret thighs?

Yeah, I'm healthier and more toned than I was a month ago, but we're in a competition; if I'm not seeing drastic results, then how does this affect my team's chances of winning? I don't want to be the one who keeps our team and trainers from getting First Place.

Where is my Inner Cheerleader when I need her? Methinks that little (ahem) *witch* took off with the football team for a kegger. I have alerted a search party to bring her back alive, because I really need her right now. At this point, I could easily slip into agoraphobia and simply photoshop thinner versions of myself in family photos. Yeah, I could just become a skinny little avatar.

But, I gotta get up that hill. I just hope that my cheerleader was kind enough to put a roped-off landing there to keep me from falling off.


  1. Yeah, the scale is crap. It has no idea if that number that it flashes is water, fat, muscle, bones, brain, organs, hair etc. It's just a number. I know you are dropping fat. You fit into clothes you haven't worn in how long?

    We don't even know yet the positive changes that are happening on the inside.

    Stick with the diet and chuck the scale!

  2. Hang in there, my darling! You are doing great! Just stay away from the air'll get you every time :-)

  3. When I looked at you yesterday you looked fantastic! I wouldnt stress on keeping the team from winning because stress causes belly fat! I know thats easier said than done because I stress over the same thing. My belly wont go down! GRRR!! I remembered Laurel talking about my "too many Carbs" and remembered this article...its very interesting how that works!