Tuesday, March 2, 2010

White Men Can't Jump (and Neither Can Elise)

Nothing like a daily dose of humiliation to keep one's ego in check. BCTG is certainly building my strength, but it has proven to be showcase for my lack of balance, grace, and coordination...

and wardrobe malfunctions.

Yeah, yesterday, Hope forgot her sneakers. When I saw her walk in in her gym clothes and work shoes, I burst into laughter (or as I now call it, "abs warm-up"). Oh, but karma came back with the quickness. Just minutes later, I was forced to run around the parking lot strapped to some horrific metal contraption that's weighted down. They call it The Sled (as in a dog sled...but YOU are the dog). The sight of me awkwardly maneuvering the beast, red faced and panting, was disturbing enough. To add insult to injury, I happened to be wearing a pair of sweat pants whose drawstring is in a permanent knot and cannot be adjusted. So, each time I moved forward my pants slipped down, exposing the top of my thong for all to see. And no, I didn't have the foresight to wear cute undergarments. I would have traded places with Janet Jackson at the Superbowl in a heartbeat.

This may be Boot Camp, but while one might imagine themselves as a soldier on a mission, there is no way I can attempt to look brave or stoic while pulling myself across the floor by my forearms, dragging a towel with my feet. Nor would I pass as the Bride in Kill Bill (in the hospital scene where she can't use her legs). At best: an injured caterpillar groping her way to safety.

As for jumping...apparently I couldn't jump to my death and land on two feet. One of our circuit exercises tonight was 15 reps of jump-ups onto a set of mats about 16 inches high. Laurel kept telling me to land on both feet and Katy encouraged me to lift my knees, but all I could manage was some sort of "Extreme Square Dance" with the mats. The harder I tried (with little mini-jumps on the floor) the more comedic it became, as it threw Katy completely off our reps. (Picture a drunken, jumping, polka see-saw.) It took 5 rounds of the circuit before I could actually hit the mats with both feet (and at that point I'm sure Katy was ready to jump off my body instead of the mats).

However, I should add that BCTG allows you to make a complete ass of yourself without feeling like one. Unlike other gyms where you can mind yourself with mirrors and check out what everyone else is doing, the BCTG routine keeps you focused on yourself. Not only is everyone pushing themselves, you simply don't have a moment to gaze around and compare yourself to others. You're not there to "work out pretty," and you won't be intimidated by the clients...just the trainers.

Speaking of which...BCTG's owner (and our trainer) Laurel Blackburn was selected as Tallahassee's 25 Women You Need To Know 2010 and an article featuring her can be seen here:

And to my KO's:
  • Katy, you are NOT the weakest link! I appreciate your energy and encouragement. It's hard to keep up with a 20-something, and I love how you push me.
  • Hope: You inspire me by putting 100% into this challenge in spite of bad knee, illness, etc. You help me keep the negative wimpy thoughts away.
  • Jo: We miss you and know how impossible it is to keep up with the fitness quest while on the road. Just do what you can...the GTO KO's and BCTG will be here for you when you return. If you can't exercise in Vegas, at least do some decent shopping! :)


  1. Hope AKA DIABEATUMarch 3, 2010 at 9:19 AM

    Elise - I love your blogs and sense of humor through your pain! I heard you are home with the heating pad and hope you feel better! Love you girl!

  2. Is anyone getting any covert iphone pictures of any of this? I wish I could see Elise dog-sledding in a ratty thong. Lovely! :-)

  3. I will be sending pic and you guys can post them.